Constipation

If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the
MIRROR and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when
symptoms occur:

"My present and future financial and personal well being are totally in
the hands of…

Barack Obama

Joe Biden

Harry Reid

Nancy Pelosi

Tim Geithner

Rahm Emmanuel

Chris Dodd

and Barney Frank!"

If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably
destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.

There is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just doing it as a
public service.