When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug , and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Arctic Blast 2008.....and on and on and on
Ok here we are on day... hell I don't even know. This all started on Sunday right?
The recent forecast is for more of the same, with an extra wild visit on this Sunday. (anyone notice a trend here?) Voting for Obama will be the downfall of this country as we enter this mini ice age. Global Warming assinites (new word) can kiss mine.
Honestly this snow and ice would be cool if I had the option of staying home. Then the option of coming in and going out as I wished. No, I get to be out in it regardless of what I feel. Funny how more and more calls are from people who wanted to save energy, protect the environment from the burning of fossil fuels and invested in a heat pump. Guess what, Heat Pumps are useless in Minnesota weather.
Cabin fever is just beginning to set in around here, for those that are staying home.
I guess the big question is....
Do you really want a white Christmas....
Be careful what you wish for.
The recent forecast is for more of the same, with an extra wild visit on this Sunday. (anyone notice a trend here?) Voting for Obama will be the downfall of this country as we enter this mini ice age. Global Warming assinites (new word) can kiss mine.
Honestly this snow and ice would be cool if I had the option of staying home. Then the option of coming in and going out as I wished. No, I get to be out in it regardless of what I feel. Funny how more and more calls are from people who wanted to save energy, protect the environment from the burning of fossil fuels and invested in a heat pump. Guess what, Heat Pumps are useless in Minnesota weather.
Cabin fever is just beginning to set in around here, for those that are staying home.
I guess the big question is....
Do you really want a white Christmas....
Be careful what you wish for.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Arctic Blast 2008
The kids have settled back into the house to warm up abit. There is about 4" of snow on the ground, but with the blowing winds it is piling up in the corners. Trudy and I took the truck up to Albertsons to get a few things. We don't have to drive the main roads to get there, and the side streets are easily driven in 4 wheel drive, if you know how to drive. I'll post more pics as the day goes on.
Reality TV at its best
Here we sit with snow on the ground, temps dropping by the hour, 28* right now. The kids are in and out trying to decide if it is too cold to go play in the snow.
Meanwhile the idiots with an IQ lower than the temperatures are slip sliding all over metro Portland. Freeways are closing, chains are required, and these clowns are giving us the best reality tv viewing. Since when is it a good idea to take your Honda Accord, Miata, or Minivan up a frozen snow covered road without any traction devices. It's not as if they weren't warned of the impending "Arctic Blast".
So sit back with a warming drink, and watch the follies of the incredibley stupid on the local TV News. HAHA..... Idiots, I hope they can't breed.
Meanwhile the idiots with an IQ lower than the temperatures are slip sliding all over metro Portland. Freeways are closing, chains are required, and these clowns are giving us the best reality tv viewing. Since when is it a good idea to take your Honda Accord, Miata, or Minivan up a frozen snow covered road without any traction devices. It's not as if they weren't warned of the impending "Arctic Blast".
So sit back with a warming drink, and watch the follies of the incredibley stupid on the local TV News. HAHA..... Idiots, I hope they can't breed.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Deep Freeze
According to the weather geeks, this may be the longest period of below freezing temps sustained at one time in recent history. In 1998 we made it 5 days below freezing, and in 1990, before I moved here, it had stayed below 32* for 6 days.
Big deal, sure, until you have to work in it day after day. For you Phoenix people it is equivelent to 7 days straight of 120*. We are looking forward to the "possible" snow on Sunday and again next Thursday, as long as we can work mon-fri without losing hours.
Will keep posted throughout this Arctic Blast
Big deal, sure, until you have to work in it day after day. For you Phoenix people it is equivelent to 7 days straight of 120*. We are looking forward to the "possible" snow on Sunday and again next Thursday, as long as we can work mon-fri without losing hours.
Will keep posted throughout this Arctic Blast
Thursday, December 4, 2008
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
From Public School to Pubic School In One Generation
I love it when someone actually gets what is wrong with America today.
Quote:
We have a generation of people in this country whose minds have been destroyed by the disease of liberalism. We have a generation of morons whose mommies told them not to hit back when they were attacked. We have a generation of imbeciles who think that it’s more important to talk about how much Britney Spears’ latest album appeals to gays than it is to talk about the identities of the people who want to kill us. The attitude of “if it feels good, do it” is destroying us. The public school self-esteem regime is killing us. We’ve gone from public schools to pubic schools in one generation.
A prime example of this generation of imbeciles is Alex Witless, an anchor for MSLGBT or the Microsoft Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered network. On the cable channel MSLGBT, Alex Witless expressed shock and surprise that the terrorists would attack again even after the mindless fools of America voted for Barack Hussein Obama. She said that there had been such a global outpouring of affection, respect, and hope that these kinds of attacks would be “dampered down.” You see, she assumed that if the sheeple of the United States voted for someone who wasn’t an evil white male – like the lesbian history teacher talked about in high school – that the rest of the world would be so grateful that Muslim terrorism would just vanish. If only the American people would overcome their inherent racism, the Islamofascists would see how good we are and put down their guns, unstrap their bombs, and go back to their madrassas. But the childish fantasy of Alex Witless and other members of her generation failed to come true, and there are at least 300 dead bodies in Bombay to prove it.
Another example of this generation of fools is the Mayor of San Fransicko, Any Twosome Newsom. Not only is this charlatan trying to force homosexual marriage down the throats of the people of California – even though they overwhelmingly rejected it – he’s also turning San Francisco into an eco-Fascist state. In his recent seven-hour long State of the City Address, he advocated the destruction of San Francisco’s last remaining major power plant and said, “We need to get out of the power plant business.” “This is real life,” he whines as he shows the San Francisco airport under water as a result of global warming. He doesn’t realize this is fantasy, not reality.
This is the result of a generation that has been feminized and removed from reality. It’s also the result of an evil man who warped millions of children who might otherwise have grown up to be real men and women. Dr Benjamin Spock taught mothers how to be more flexible with their children, to understand children’s needs and foster their self-esteem. Dr. Spock may be gone, but the scar he left on America is still there. We have a generation of men who won’t fight. We have a generation of women who want nothing but orgasms and pointy shoes. We have a generation of leaders who are cynical and criminal. We’ve gone from Dr. Spock to Dr. Strangelove in one generation.
Michael Savage
Quote:
We have a generation of people in this country whose minds have been destroyed by the disease of liberalism. We have a generation of morons whose mommies told them not to hit back when they were attacked. We have a generation of imbeciles who think that it’s more important to talk about how much Britney Spears’ latest album appeals to gays than it is to talk about the identities of the people who want to kill us. The attitude of “if it feels good, do it” is destroying us. The public school self-esteem regime is killing us. We’ve gone from public schools to pubic schools in one generation.
A prime example of this generation of imbeciles is Alex Witless, an anchor for MSLGBT or the Microsoft Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered network. On the cable channel MSLGBT, Alex Witless expressed shock and surprise that the terrorists would attack again even after the mindless fools of America voted for Barack Hussein Obama. She said that there had been such a global outpouring of affection, respect, and hope that these kinds of attacks would be “dampered down.” You see, she assumed that if the sheeple of the United States voted for someone who wasn’t an evil white male – like the lesbian history teacher talked about in high school – that the rest of the world would be so grateful that Muslim terrorism would just vanish. If only the American people would overcome their inherent racism, the Islamofascists would see how good we are and put down their guns, unstrap their bombs, and go back to their madrassas. But the childish fantasy of Alex Witless and other members of her generation failed to come true, and there are at least 300 dead bodies in Bombay to prove it.
Another example of this generation of fools is the Mayor of San Fransicko, Any Twosome Newsom. Not only is this charlatan trying to force homosexual marriage down the throats of the people of California – even though they overwhelmingly rejected it – he’s also turning San Francisco into an eco-Fascist state. In his recent seven-hour long State of the City Address, he advocated the destruction of San Francisco’s last remaining major power plant and said, “We need to get out of the power plant business.” “This is real life,” he whines as he shows the San Francisco airport under water as a result of global warming. He doesn’t realize this is fantasy, not reality.
This is the result of a generation that has been feminized and removed from reality. It’s also the result of an evil man who warped millions of children who might otherwise have grown up to be real men and women. Dr Benjamin Spock taught mothers how to be more flexible with their children, to understand children’s needs and foster their self-esteem. Dr. Spock may be gone, but the scar he left on America is still there. We have a generation of men who won’t fight. We have a generation of women who want nothing but orgasms and pointy shoes. We have a generation of leaders who are cynical and criminal. We’ve gone from Dr. Spock to Dr. Strangelove in one generation.
Michael Savage
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