Christmas 2008

Well, it is here and gone, thankfully. Trudy and I kept the kids up late on Christmas Eve to avoid that 4am wake up call that Santa had come. It worked. We didn't get out of bed until 7:30. The kids had their Santa gifts to play with, and had entirely emptied their stockings (all over the family room floor). I had to drive into Portland to pick-up Trudy's parents as the roads were still too bad for them to drive in, and their cars were still buried. We got home and the kids commenced to opening the rest of the presents. Trudy's parents decided to bring Moses, Jeff's (Trudy's brother) dog for Christmas. He located the scent of Trouble our cat and ran upstairs to investigate. We later found Trouble hiding in Taylors closet. All in all it was a good Christmas.

Travis got the X-Box 360 and guitar he was was really wanting. Tyler got a remote control dirt bike and Taylor had asked Santa for a goldfish, but got the fish tank with $5 for a fish instead. For the first time in 13 Christmas's I didn't have to spend a whole day putting stuff together. The only issue was Tylers lazer tag weapons that were so securely packaged a tornado couldn't have ripped them free from the box.
We had a nice dinner and relaxed for the afternoon, then I took Dave and Faye back home.
Here are a few pics, with some snow added to them.

Last post on this snow storm

For the first time in a week we are able to take our 4 wheel drives out of the driveway without tire chains. We still have to run them in 4 wheel drive mode though, until we get to the plowed surface streets. It is kind of funny to watch these idiots with cars that sit 3" off the ground try to navigate through 8" - 15" tall snow slush created by the ruts of other drivers. A set of tire chains would help them, but I guess that is too much work. The snow is slowly melting, but will take a while, the neighborhood roads are still slush.

I found this rendition originating in the midwest, but it applies here as we don't ever get this much snow in a weeks time. It pretty much conveys the feelings of everyone I have talked to.


DIARY OF A DEMENTED SNOW SHOVELER

DECEMBER 8
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So Romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

DECEMBER 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic Sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a Boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

DECEMBER 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a Disappointment! My neighbour tells me not to worry - we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much Snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such A nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.

DECEMBER 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The Temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realise I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

DECEMBER 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

DECEMBER 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The Wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

DECEMBER 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but Stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

DECEMBER 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob Says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

DECEMBER 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

DECEMBER 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

DECEMBER 24
6 inches - snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 Miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.

DECEMBER 25
Merry ****ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in the idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a frickin' idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

DECEMBER 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

DECEMBER 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

DECEMBER 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

DECEMBER 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

DECEMBER 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

DECEMBER 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling.

JANUARY 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
__________________

Snow pics

Ok, I cleared my truck and work van today, only to get more snow. This is crazy as hell. Sure it's just snow you say, well we aren't supposed to get this much snow here.

We are BURIED!!

Just woke up and looked outside. My 3/4 ton srvice van is buried up to the bumpers! The upper deck outside the back door has rails around it 36 inches high, there is snow halfway up!
I'll get some pictures up later.

Hopefully this new round of snow has more moisture in it. If so we will try to build a GIANT snowman today.

Snow Sorm December 2008

The weatherman finally called one right. We woke up to falling snow on Saturday morning, and it never stopped. By 8 o'clock Saturday night I measured 10 inches on our back deck. Notice the portable BBQ grill and deck table in the pics. The snow turned to freezing rain by 10 o'clock, which left our cars sealed shut and a 3/8 inch layer of ice on the snow Sunday morning. We got another 4 inches of snow throughout the day , and as I type it is snowing again with 2-4 inches expected by morning, with another inch or two during the day Monday. According the local weather people, this is a twice a century snow event for Portland. It hasn't snowed like this in 40 years. Frankly I haven't seen more than 6 inches in one event in the 15 years I have lived here. While it was neat on Saturday, it has become quite stressful around here.
Between house bound kids, snow tracking into the house when they do go out in it, and not knowing if I will be able to work tomorrow, I want to be done with it.

The forecast now is for slightly warmer temps up to 36 on Tuesday with snow showers again on Christmas Eve. We then will break out of this snap next weekend with 45* and rain. Next mass news coverage will be about all the flooding as 2+ feet of snow melts down in one weekend.

Standby....

In the pics we have the front of the house, me early in the day Saturday, all bundles up, the deck out the back door which used to be a 9 inch step down, and my neighbors 73 BMW looking like it is stuck in eastern Europe.

Christmas Vacation

For those of you who haven't watched it in a while, pull it out of the DVD shelf, make some popcorn and pop it in.
We watch it every year, and each time it seems to get better and better. Taylor got to laughing so hard she literally peed her pants. Aside from the visuals, the redeemable quotes never stop. I stole this list from a friends blog, why should I have to do all the grunt work.
Sit back read them and enjoy.


#10 - While searching for the "Griswold Family Christmas Tree":
Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down.
Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.

#9 - Clark and his father:
Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How'd you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

#8 - Clark greeting the company executives:
Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

#7 - Eddie and the family show up unexpectedly:
Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

#6 - Audrey complaining to Ellen about having to share a bed with her brother because the grandparents took hers:
Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?
Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

#5 - Clark saucer-sledding with Cousin Eddie and the kids:
Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?

#4 - Clark lingerie shopping for his wife with some "attractive" counter help from Mary:
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?


#3 - Clark and Ellen after the Holiday takes a turn for the worse:
Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.


#2 - As Eddie empties his "RV's" chemical toilet into the storm drain:
Eddie: Shitter was full!!
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.
Clark: He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.

#1 - Clark describing his last minute Christmas wish after being screwed out of his bonus:
Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

Watch it if you haven't...and if you have, watch it again...
Let me know if I've missed your favorite!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Broke free from the Arctic Blast... Sorta

Yesterday we finally got temps above freezing for a few hours. Just enough to melt away most of the snow. Today was flurries mixed with rain, then about a 1/2 inch of snow fell tonight which has caused the neighborhood roads to freeze again.
Trudy and I have resorted to a two car system. My Dodge 4x4 has chains on it for the icey roads, and we use the Durango with AWD and 4 wheel lock when it is just snow.
I put the chains on the truck on Tuesday and figured I will just leave them on.

Forecast is for 6+ inches of snow Saturday into Sunday, with freezing rain right on it's heels. We may not get out of this pattern until Christmas Eve.